A Mixture of Oil & Water
by beyondamirrorsimage
Summary: Finding himself newly single, Sheldon Cooper is determined to learn more about the complex world of relationships and sex; thus he engages the assistance of the only person quailified to educate him...Penny. Penny/Sheldon romance. I own nothing of this series.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1 - Hide & Seek

On the outside they were polar opposites. She was water and he was oil and never had it seemed the two shall mix. Their differences were always viewed and immediately the odd pair were placed into separate categories and classified as two completely different species of life. However if one examined Sheldon and Penny through a different lens, they would notice that beyond the highlighted opposites the two possessed a strange type of chemistry that forever bonded them on a level that no one could ever understand.

Unlike the others in their group, each one played some sort of role in the other's life. For example, periodically Penny was to Sheldon a substitute mother figure in his times of uncertainty and need for comfort. She was the only one that could sing _Soft Kitty_ to him when he was sick or showing signs of discomfort in his life. At one time, when Penny was on a weekend trip with some friends and Sheldon came down with what he believed was food poisoning from a new Chinese restaurant that Leonard decided they should try; he had to request Amy to sing his beloved song to him. Despite her effort though she failed in providing that deep needed warmth he obtained from the lullaby; and like a King to a servant he flicked his wrist at her in dismissal and instead sent her on a mission to obtain a cup of mint tea. Penny also acted as a social advisor, explaining to Sheldon the reasons to why those around him exhibit behaviors that seemed mind-boggling to his superior mind. She had that special way of unraveling that which confused him and thus he was then able to grasp an understanding.

To Penny, Sheldon acted as an authority figure; and though she opposed his views and rebelled in her actions at his rules, she secretly adored his concern for her well-being. There were many times where he was the teacher and she the student; having taken it upon him to attempt to plant some seed of knowledge into that blonde head of hers'. Unfortunately, such information was not obtained but through his desire to teach, Penny did obtain a higher standard in how she lived. No longer did she simply accept life at face value and at times grew bored with the simplicity of her other friends and yearned for some form of nerdy drabble to fulfill her day. Granted, it was not just by Sheldon's hands alone that made her grow, for all her intelligent friends molded her in some frame or fashion; however it was Sheldon she unconsciously wished to please with any newfound intelligence she gathered.

Yes it seemed that the pair merely tolerated the other, and perhaps at one time such a thing was true; but over the years something beyond tolerance rooted and a bizarre relationship grew. An unexplainable friendship blossomed and yet something more lingered on the horizon as though they still needed to go through another phase of growth to be complete….

XxxxxxxxxxX

"I didn't hear anything." Bernadette's pixie-high voice spoke up as she removed her ear from Amy's closed door and casted a questioning gaze at Penny.

"No, I definitely heard something." Penny proclaimed with an air of confidence in her posture and facial expression; a look commonly possessed by their mutual friend, Sheldon, who seemed to always have said expression permanently transfixed upon his face.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Bernadette's petite fist tapped on the wood and secretly both women wished to repeat the word, _Amy_, afterwards.

"Just a minute!" Amy's voice sang behind the door in response.

The pair simply glared at one another, for Amy had them waiting outside her apartment door for five minutes now.

"I wonder what she is doing in there." Bernadette whispered as her arms crossed over her chest and her breath sighed.

"You mean _who_ she is doing in there." All Penny did was smirk at her proclamation which immediately drew an open gasp from her dear companion.

"You think Sheldon and Amy are…" Her head gestured towards the apartment. "Having sex in there?"

Penny shrugged. "I don't know." Her voice dragged out that phrase as though she was contemplating her thoughts. "But something is going on. I can feel it. I have a sense about these types of matters."

Out of their little group, Penny was definitely the black sheep. She possessed neither a fancy degree from a prestigious university nor the garnished title that accompanied them; however that did not mean Penny was dumb, on the contrary, she possessed her own unique form of intelligence. Penny was street-smart. This skill is what made her catch hold of the subtle signs that her brainy friend failed at grasping, and was what enhanced her inner gut to suspect that there was indeed something strange going on beyond that closed door before them.

"Good afternoon my fellow bitches." Amy's failed attempt at social lingo caught their ears before her image caught their eyes, for each was lost in thought at the moment she opened the door.

"Finally!" Bernadette called. "What took you so long?" The little spitfire demanded an immediate explanation. Penny, however, remained quiet and took to observing Amy's appearance then to hear any explanation she had to offer.

"I was getting changed." Amy replied quickly and in a matter-of-fact way. "I spilt tea on myself and was in the middle of dressing when you knocked."

Bernadette seemed satisfied with the reason and simply scooted her way beyond Amy and into her apartment. Penny held her own thoughts for the moment and prior to following in Bernadette's footsteps, paused to look Amy dead on in the eyes. She was lying and Penny knew it.

"Wh…Why are you two here?" Amy cautiously questioned as she closed the door and faced the pair.

"Did you forget? We had lunch plans today." Penny chimed in as she and Bernadette glared at Amy from afar.

"Oh. That was today?"

The pair nodded.

A nervous laugh escaped the odd woman. "Oops. Well I guess I'll just go grab my purse and we could go." On a quick foot she made a beeline for her bedroom leaving the two women alone for the moment.

"See. Nothing is wrong." Bernadette flopped upon the couch to wait.

"Did you not notice!?" Penny took a seat next to her and scooted in as close as she could so that their conversation could remain unheard.

"Notice what?"

"For one, Amy's hair was all disheveled…." She paused and laughed at herself for using a big girl word like '_disheveled_'.

"So what, her hair is always a mess."

"Yeah but that looked like 'just got out of bed from having hot sex' hair, not 'I refuse to spend any money on a hairdresser' hair. Trust me…I know the difference."

Bernadette's brow crinkled as she took in this new information and processed it.

"Secondly, her cardigan! Since when does Amy ever walk around with it buttoned wrong? And did you see her neck? There was a red mark on it, definite hickey in the making."

Before Bernie could say anything in reply, Penny continued. "And thirdly…wait, fourthly…whatever…it totally smells like sex in here!"

"It does?" Penny's brilliant friend did not seem so bright at the moment.

"Come on Bernie…we should know what sex smells like!"

Bernadette sniffed the air and quick her hand smacked her opened mouth in shock. "Oh my God it does!" She paused for a moment as a thought suddenly swarmed to the center of her mind."But Amy specifically stated that part of their added sex clause in the relationship agreement, was that all sexual acts be performed at Sheldon's."

It had taken a long time, but Amy finally broke Sheldon down to 'do the deed'. She fought a good fight and in the end, and all Sheldon could do to maintain control of the situation was to add in a sex clause to their already extensive and highly detailed relationship agreement. Grinding his teeth in defeat, he spent two weeks crafting what would become the official 'rules' to their now physical relationship. Coitus would be performed once a week and in the confinements of his bedroom where he could easily maintain a level of safety and hygienic precautions. In a Dexter-like style he wrapped his bed in plastic to place a barrier between the dirty action and his fresh cleaned sheets. Amy was drawn aback by such a sight at first but it was either suffer through the uncomfortable plastic against her skin or not get any action at all. Secondly, all clothes (aside from undergarments) were to remain on; Amy was lucky enough that she was allowed to change into bed clothes prior to the performance, but unfortunate enough that she had to endure gazing at Sheldon's blue flannel pajama top during it. Thirdly, each participant must be thoroughly washed and sanitized which meant prior to Amy lying down upon the cold plastic, she would have to be inspected by Sheldon for any signs of unwanted dirt. Fourthly, the act of coitus was to be performed in the missionary fashion and neither participant was allowed to have exploring hands during. Amy's hands were to be placed either on her side, or she was allowed to hold onto Sheldon's biceps if the act got too 'wild'. These were just some of the many rules Sheldon constructed and Amy happily obeyed in ordered to get some form of passion from the man she whole-heartily admired and respected.

Unfortunately, it left both empty at the end. Sheldon treated the weekly performance as a mere animalistic act of nature to be controlled and maintained at his own comfort level. Amy, on the other hand, had any inkling of hope that Sheldon might break free from his shell destroyed. She secretly wished that by succeeding at this step that Sheldon might finally show some form of human affection. She knew that he cared about her in his own way and had no intentions on changing the person that he was; however, she thought that this little piece of their relationship might bring forth that inner human life-force that she knew Sheldon secretly possessed but never displayed. She was wrong. His actions were cold and scientific and he showed more fiery passion discussing the laws of physics and the theories of the universe then he did when their two bodies joined as one.

"Yeeeahh." Penny dragged out the word as she half listened to what Bernadette said. "I'm going to pee before we go." She instead declared before slapping the tops of her thighs as she rose to make her way towards Amy's bathroom.

A mere moment late Amy re-emerged from her bedroom, dressed more appropriately then before. "Where is Penny?"

"The bathroom."

"THE BATHROOM!?" Amy's voice raised a few octaves high as the look of distress washed over her.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Penny's voice screamed behind the closed bathroom door.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Another voice, male (though holding a cord of femininity) sang off a second thereafter.

Bernadette jumped up, Amy stood frozen in her steps, and Penny slammed the door open to emerge from the bathroom with no other than Raj Koothrappali sheepishly following behind.

XxxxxxxxxxX


	2. Chapter 2 -An Unwarranted Intervention

**{ Thank you for everyone's encouraging words! I am happy to make you happy and it fuels my desire to keep writing. Please bear with me, this is my first time back in I think almost two years and my last attempt at fanfiction failed due to loosing all desire to continue. I know this is starting out rather slow, but I HAVE A VISION! I promise you the Shenny will come and it will be epic...or something along the lines of good. Definately steamy and sexy, I can promise that for sure. :) }**

Chapter 2 : An Unwarranted Intervention

Silence suffocated the room as they locked into a four-way stare-down. No one moved a muscle aside from the back and forth darts of eyes hitting each other. What felt like an eternity ended with Amy sighing in defeat.

"I can explain." Raj's thick Indian accent rose up in only a frightened whisper. "You see….um….Amy needed…..um…..help…..with her pipes…" He froze his words for a moment realizing that he just made a bad choice of words. "I mean….her bathroom pipe….clogged…umm….ughhhhhhh." His brow crinkled, as the glares of daggers from the girls' eyes were targeting him dead on. Out of everyone standing in that room, he was the only one on the verge of tears. "Please don't kill me." He whimpered as his face shifted into an expression that only scolded puppies could manage.

Amy finally took a step forward, shifting the attention away from Raj. "No…" She calmly yet cautiously began. "I will explain."

"Oh you better and fast, chickie! What on Earth are you two up too?! Have you ever stopped to think about how Sheldon might feel about this?!" Bernadette scolded the pair, her petite finger wagging at them like a schoolteacher to her students.

Amy's hands lifted as to halt any attack that Bernadette might launch. "I did not have nor do I have any intentions on hurting Sheldon. This…us…we just happened."

"Soooo, you are saying you two…are…?" Penny chimed in as she looked to Raj and then to Amy for an answer to her unfinished question.

"If you are talking about Raj helping to fix my pipes…then no; but if you mean having wild, crazy, uninhibited sex? Then yes, we are." She spoke with a factual tone as she took a few steps closer towards Raj and once near immediately grasped his hand as though she were to protect him.

"Umm…okay…we will go with that one." Penny shuffled back over to the couch to sit down though refusing to remove her eyes from the new couple. Despite the shock of the situation, she was willing to hear them out. Penny knew that these sort of issues happened and sometimes they occur so fast that it is impossible to realize it happening until you are neck deep into the hole.

Bernadette had fire roaring through those blue hues and her stance was as defensive as a wild cat cornered; Amy decided then it was best to directly address Penny, who seemed the calmer of the two. "Like I said, we didn't mean for this to happen. Two weeks ago I happened to bump into Rajesh at the _Bodies in Motion_ exhibit at the Carver Museum…"

"Wasn't that the exhibit you invited me to go to?" Bernadette's voice lowered as she re-called being asked a few weeks back by Amy. The exhibit was a display of various cadavers positioned into poises and dissected for the viewer to see the intricate muscles, nerves and tissues of the human body.

"Correct. You told me that was the night you had to assist Howard in massaging his mother's cankles and that you did not wish for him to pull out his back again."

Bernadette shuttered at remembering that horrid occasion of having to lift the robust woman's giant legs and lift the mass of flesh over flesh that consumed her ankle and nodded her head. "All…that…flesh.." Her voice whimpered in terror as though just mere remembering it might repeat it in reality.

"Wait…" Penny interrupted. "Why were you there Raj? You hate the sight of dead things. You practically fainted when I got a paper cut and was bleeding.

"True." His coal-black hair bounced slightly as he nodded his head in agreement with Penny's statement. "I was actually there to view the Harry Potter exhibit. They had one a statue of Dumbledore made entirely out of toenail clippings." His voice bounced up and down as he recalled the excitement. "We met up in the gift shop." In his cute, boyish mannerisms, Raj shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his now wrinkled pants.

Amy gave a slight smile and continued. "We got to talking and the next thing you know…"

"You two horn-dogs are off humping each other stupid while you leave Sheldon in the dark!" Bernadette snapped up the opportunity and fired at the pair with her scolding voice. For even Sheldon, in Bernadette's view, did not deserve such treatment.

Amy calmly shook her head. "No…we got coffee." Clearing her throat she continued once again. "Well…what is there to say really, we have a lot in common and we have been simply talking a lot over these last few weeks. I have found a true kindred spirit in Raj that I never felt with anyone before….even Sheldon."

Penny then interjected yet her tone was neither scolding nor loud to the pair. "But still, Amy, it is not right to be sleeping around with one of Sheldon's best friends behind his back."

In a curious fashion Amy's brow lifted. "What do you mean?"

"Only that cheating is not cool, honey. I know you probably did not mean for this to happen, but still it isn't right."

Amy's expression grew even more confused at what her friend was stating. "But I did not cheat."

Bernadette huffed. "Ohhh please."

"I broke up with Sheldon four days ago…." Pausing, she quickly scurried over to her work desk and pulled out a stack of stapled papers. "See…" She handed out the papers for the girls to view at their pleasure. "I went through the correct process that Sheldon and I agreed upon when ending our Relationship Agreement." Her finger pointed to various signatures. "Sheldon signed off on them." Allowing Penny and Bernadette a moment to look over the papers she then withdrew them and placed them upon the desk. "Raj and I did nothing until this was ended between Sheldon and I…we both did not wish to disrespect his friendship." Another questioning look took her over. "You mean Sheldon hasn't said anything about this to any of you?"

Penny, Bernadette and Raj simultaneously shook their heads. "He has yet to say a single word to Leonard, Howard or myself." Raj softly spoke up. "And I have noooo intention on bringing up the subject."

"And we know nothing about this." Bernadette added then turned to look at Raj then back to Amy. "So if you went through the proper channels why are you acting so secretive with Raj then?"

Amy blushed and casted her eyes downward in a shy manner as she thought it over. "Well, I don't know…I ended the relationship due to incompatibility, I guess I didn't want Sheldon knowing so soon about us. We both decided to just take things slow for now until an adequate amount of time has passed; the last thing I want is for Sheldon to think that I left him for Raj."

"Ummm….isn't that the reason why you broke up with him?" Bernadette snorted.

"No…yes…I mean not really. I did not expect for Raj and I to progress our relationship so fast. It was merely innocent talking up until Sheldon and I were over. I suppose I just found the right opportunity to finally end things with Sheldon; I mean, you know what I have to deal with. Despite all my efforts and giving in to all his whims and fancy, he is still just the same. Never once has he truly considered how I had felt nor sacrificed his comforts to please me. I never expected him to become some soft, affectionate person, but I thought by now he would be able to express some sort of raw emotion towards me." Her hand extended out towards Raj. "Within these last few weeks I have felt more with Raj then all the years I have given to Sheldon. He makes me happy, he is open to listen to suggestions and he does not impose ridiculous rules that limit the extent of our relationship. With him I am able to finally feel what I have been missing out on this entire time with Sheldon."

A small smile crested over Penny's lips as she caught the affectionate display of emotions being casted in the eyes of Amy and Raj; something was truly blossoming between them and that something was real. She had witnessed firsthand what Amy had to endure during her relationship with Sheldon, and knew deep down that eventually this was going to happen. Still her heart ached for that nerdy, robotic-like man; despite his faults and quirks, she knew that even he had to feel something over this break-up. It was, after all, never fun to be the one broken up with.

"You have to talk to him and explain this to him face-to-face." Penny proclaimed as she rose from the couch.

"Like I said, I already ended the relationship per our agreement. I did it exactly as he instructed."

"Yeah…yeah, but no…he needs an explanation…he _deserves_ a proper ending."

"I agree." Raj responded as he had taken the steps to close the gap between Amy and himself. Grasping her hands into his own, he stole a moment to look into her eyes. "He is our friend still and he should be broken up with in the proper fashion."

Amy's voice trembled with response. "I am….afraid. I truly do not wish to inflict pain on him and I think it will break my heart to have to face him while explaining myself."

"Still, it is the right thing to do." Bernadette chimed in. "Besides, we will be there with you." She looked towards Penny expecting her to agree with her.

"Um…yeah…sure…we will." Not exactly what Penny wanted to do, but the look of relief washing over Amy's eyes seemed to confirm that it was probably the best thing to do. "Just make sure you will do it." She added.

"Of course. Immediately. Right this moment." Amy declared grasping Raj by the hand and heading towards the door.

"Wait you mean like now?" Penny quickly asked before the pair booked it out.

Pausing in her steps Amy turned slightly and nodded. "I truly do not like delaying issues that need to be addressed. If it needs to be done it will be done now."

Raj held a worried expression uponhis face over the sudden decision to march over to Sheldon's, but he did not verbally speak out his concern; he simply wanted to be there for support. Bernadette was fast upon their heels and was already in mid-text with Howard to get his skinny behind to Sheldon's apartment ASAP!

"Greaaaatt." Penny sarcastically mumbled as she collected her purse and shuffled into step with the rest of the parade. "Exactly what I had planned for my Saturday off."

XxxxxxxxX

He truly did not understand the reason behind all this nonsense. For over thirty minutes (twenty-five minutes over the allotted five minutes he granted them of his precious time) he had to endure this mess of chaotic emotions spilling out from the tongues of his friends. Being the sole focus of this group it triggered a memory in Sheldon of the one time he viewed an intervention show on television.

Granted it was not his choice in program viewing, but unfortunately that had been the day when Penny's apartment was being fumigated for stinkbugs and she (by Leonard's invite) planted herself upon their couch the entire day and watched nothing but ridiculous reality shows. Poor Sheldon's eyes and ears had to be tortured by the constant bleeping rants of over-dramatic fake blondes battling it out over trivial issues, the terrible crisis of having to be a teenage mother, and who was going to be that one lucky lady to be endowed with one very special rose. Throughout her channel flipping, however, Penny did land on a show that dealt with individuals who were struggling through addictions and how their family and friends, along with a trained counselor, attempted an intervention. For a brief moment Sheldon's eyes fixated on the scene of said addict being escorted into the room and having to face the swollen, tear-stained faces of those who love him; then forced to endure the prattling of words expressing fear, uncertainty, love and hope. To Sheldon it appeared to be a last minute attempt on saving the hopeless and he did not understand why such a thing could be considered entertainment when it was clearly nothing short of pitiful to display one's distress on national television.

Flashing back into the current moment, Sheldon now pictured himself as that individual who unbeknown to him was tricked into entering the circle in order to be consumed by the concerns of others.

_But I am no drug addict, nor alcoholic, nor do I exhibit signs of suicide or distressing behavior that may bring harm to myself or others. So why am I being forced to endure thirty_…..He paused in thought to check his watch…._Thirty-five minutes of this_ _imprudence; especially when they know I have to go do my laundry. Gesh. The nerve of some people._

Indeed he had been caught in some sort of intervention. His day, for the most part, had been going smoothly according to his daily Saturday routine; with the exception of Leonard being absent while still on his North Sea quest, everything was perfectly normal. He was just finishing up watching a classic Dr. Who episode prior to starting preparations for his laundry when a knock was heard upon the door.

Upon opening the door he was greeted by not one, but five concerned faces. "Sheldon, I need to speak to you." Amy stood front and center of this little gang; fingers intertwined tightly as she neatly presented her hands in front of herself, and those brownish-green eyes morphing into a doe-like expression, amplified by her large spectacles that rested upon the bridge of her nose. "May we come in?"

Sheldon gave the familiar bunch a questioning lift of his brow as he tried to decipher what was making this common occurrence of people coming over suddenly seem…strange and awkward. Obviously they we not coming over to watch Dr. Who, for the last episode of the day had just ended. There was no game and or video/TV show viewing on Saturdays. Leonard was not home so it was not a welcoming committee, nor was it anyone's birthday, anniversary and there was no immediate, celebrated holidays needing to be recognized. Something was indeed off yet Sheldon could not pinpoint the reason behind those puzzling stares.

"Well come on in I suppose." He huffed in annoyance but was not one to decline a houseguest.

Quietly they all gathered inside, following Sheldon towards the couch where once he seated himself did they all encircle him. Sensors went off inside of his mind as he danced his eyes from one to the other. "What is going on here?" He questioned in a stern-like tone focusing his eyes on anyone willing to give a simple answer to the simple question he gave. Everyone seemed frozen, all except Penny who did not participate in the circle gathering but instead made her way over to the kitchen to rummage through the fridge for something to eat.

Sheldon's long finger shot out at her actions and he began to rise to scold her when Amy began. "Sheldon, we need to talk. I feel that I have some explaining to do in regards to terminating our agreement."

Having come to a full stance he pulled his attention away from Penny and now gave it entirely to Amy at the moment. "Why would you need to provide me with an explanation? You completed all necessary paperwork for termination of our relationship; I do not need further thoughts on the subject. As we agreed our friendship and status as like-minded colleagues in the world of science is still active."

"True, but I have something else to talk to you about and all I request is a few minutes of your time. Please." The use of the polite word tugged at his heart-strings and he set his watch according the time she provided for explanation. "Very well Amy, I see that you obviously are distressed about an unresolved issue. You have five minutes…starting….now."

That was now forty minutes ago and Sheldon still was unable to get a word in edgewise now that Raj, Bernadette and Howard were around filling in the empty gaps whenever Amy would pause from her whimpering to add in their own thoughts on the subject. He was trapped and the only movements he was able to make were the occasional annoyed checking of his watch and the shift of his eyes over to the kitchen area where Penny seemed lost in chewing down a sandwich. To look at the others was simply pitiful in his opinion and at least Penny seemed somewhat normal in this surreal situation; despite the fact that she was eating his lunch for tomorrow.

"….and so you see never had I any intention on causing you harm. I find you to be the greatest mind of our times and your friendship is very important to me…to all of us. I hope that in time you will forgive me for my wanton actions." Finally Amy ended the monologue and it appeared the others were out of breath as well.

"So what are your thoughts on this, Sheldon?" Howard softly questioned in a delicate manner.

"My thoughts?" Finally Sheldon had a chance to speak! "My thoughts are that you all have wasted forty minutes of my laundry time to tell me nothing that I already do not know nor that I did not expect. As far as I am concerned Amy has nothing to be guilty about; she properly ended our relationship and whoever she chooses to pursue thereafter is none of my concern." He paused at looked at Raj with a strange glare. "I would have thought you would have set your goals higher but then again once you reach the top I suppose there is no place to go but down." He gave a slight snorted laugh at his cruel poke at Raj's intelligence and began to break away from the creepy circle from which he was trapped.

They all seemed stunned. "Really?" Howard questioned further. "You aren't hurt, or upset or anything?"

Sheldon sighed with having to explain himself. "No. There is no reason I should be. However my temper is rapidly increasing now that you have all interrupted my routine and so you can now all scurry back from which you came." His hands flicked the air as to shoo his guest out the door. Sheldon had far more important tasks at hand then dealing with the social behaviors that come with ending relationships.

With that he vanished to his room to collect his basket of dirty clothes and the necessary items he needed to do his wash. Returning moments later he assumed he was finally alone until the slam of the fridge door caught him off guard. Those calculating blues pounced on the culprit who was still invading his fridge like a starved mouse to a trap.

"DON'T….YOU…DARE!" Though his voice sounded calm as it rose there was panic creeping up as he witnessed Penny almost bringing the carton of orange juice up toward her lips.

Caught red-handed the blonde vixen simply flashed him a cute smile as she pulled away her lips from the juice. "Heeeeyy sweetie." Her voice sang towards him as she attempted an innocent demeanor.

"Why did you not leave with the rest of them?" His moved in closer to monitor her actions around his food.

"Ummm….I dunno." She shrugged as she re-capped the juice and shoved it back into the fridge, purposely placing it in the wrong spot just for the hell of it. "Can I ask you a question?" Her face was invisible to him as it was shoved in the fridge on a quest to find something else to quench her palate.

"You already did. Question asked, answer given. Are you done now?"

Penny sneered at him, giving up her quest for food she shut the door and walked down closer to him. Immediately he backed away a few steps for fear that she might invade his personal space bubble. Penny noticed but did not focus her attention on something so common. "Are you truly not bothered by what just happened here? I mean your girlfriend broke up with you and is now off banging your friend."

A deep sigh escaped him as he did not wish to continue lingering on the subject. "Am I supposed to be upset? Apparently I am not displaying the proper emotions for this occasion."

"Yeah you can say that again. All I am saying is if I was in your shoes and this just happened to me I would be raging World War III and then running off to hide in the corner and feed myself ice cream until I gained fifty pounds. You are just taking this waaaay too calmly."

He pondered her words for a moment, processing them, analyzing them and then formulating the proper answer to respond to her with. "I do not think I am under-reacting at all. On the contrary, I believe that I am handling myself in a proper manner and that if I took your advice I might as well commit myself because that is just plain, old crazy. From my understanding part of caring for someone is to want their happiness. Amy was not satisfied with our arrangements and therefore not happy. She found happiness with Raj…." He scoffed at the idea. "…and therefore is happy. Flipping out would accomplish nothing aside from over-stressing my body and in your opinion poisoning it with an overconsumption of calories and self-pity."

All insults aside what he spoke was heart-melting and though he was not the most romantic individual on the planet, Penny knew that deep down, despite any protest he might give, that he truly did care for Amy. "Ohhh, sweetie." Caring not for his personal space she darted right in and embraced him and though he tried to shoo her off with his laundry basket she held on until she was satisfied with the affection.

"You know that if you ever need me for anything I'm only ten feet, nine knocks and three Pennys away." Upon those words spoken she made her way out the door and disappeared into the confinements of her own.

He stood still for a moment, frozen in stance as her words echoed over and over in his head. Suddenly without rhyme or reason a thought dawned on him, and such a thought began to grow throughout the rest of the day until finally as he placed his head on his pillow he realized that a change needed to be made. "I shall proposition Penny on the idea tomorrow." He spoke to himself in a satisfied tone as he pulled up the blankets to his chin. "I am such a genius!"

XxxxxxxxxX


	3. Chapter 3 - An Unexpected Proposition

"You want _me_ to do what?!" His request had left her speechless for a moment and within that moment her brain began to go frantic with processing his words.

"I want you to teach me more about the sexual relations between man and woman, so that I could excel at more substantial social interactions with the opposite sex. Preferably a more 'hands on' approach so that I can gain a higher level of expertise." He repeated at the same unemotional, steady voice from which he first presented the request.

"Waiiit!" Her hands rose to a halt position. "You want me to have sex with you so you can gain the experience?" He was never one to come out and plainly explain himself and Penny was not the best decoder of his elite language.

His face crinkled at how she slaughtered his words. "Noooooo." Though unconsciously that might have been true; it was not his intentions at the moment. He wasn't sure exactly how he wanted her to 'teach' him but he knew she was the only person who he trusted enough to expose that sensitive, un-nurtured side of him.

This was not exactly what she expected when she opened the door at seven in the morning to his repeated knocking and usage of her name. She assumed it was to ask for a ride or to inform her of something of no importance to her. Not this. If he had been any other man facing her, Penny probably would have punched him straight in the face. But this was Sheldon and he was not like any man she ever encountered. His intentions were never secretly malicious, he never lied and plus he held an innocence about him. Part of her was honored that he had opened up to her about his desire to nurture that neglected part of him; and yet the other part of her was slightly taken aback and shocked at what he just asked of her.

"Ohhhh Honey…" Penny smiled up at the dorky man and sighed, having re-gained her composure. "Does this have to do with Amy and Raj?" She knew their new relationship had to have some effect upon Sheldon, perhaps this was it.

"Oh God no." His voice darted as his body straightened up. "But it did get me thinking. See what I don't understand is how Amy could leave me for him. In the words of Mary Poppin's _"I am practically perfect in every way."_ I have distinguished looks, I am highly intelligent, I have an amazing collection of sci-fi, medieval, and comic memorabilia, I am organized, I have an amazing career, my own apartment, I am highly intelligent…"

"You said that already." Penny chimed in.

"I know….I said it twice because I am that smart." He snorted in return. "I mean…I just don't understand how she could have left all that for someone like Raj…no offense to him, I'm sure he has his charm." He paused for a moment to reflect. "He is an amazing entertainer so I do suppose that had something to do with bewitching her. However I just don't see the logic in her choice. I thought we had an amazing relationship going."

"Awwwwwwww….You are jealous!" She cooed at him as though he was an abandoned puppy on the curbside.

"I am not!" He retorted.

"You are!" She snickered, darting her manicured finger out at him in a teasing fashion.

"I have nothing to be jealous about. My theory is that he is simply more experienced in the subject of relationships and intimacy than myself and thus overpowered me. My solution is to not only gain similar knowledge to his own but to excel in the subject and in turn over power him."

Penny's face did not change from the pitiful, sweet-like expression it held upon convicting him of jealously and cooing at him. "You want to win Amy back…that is sooo sweet." Her voice pierced him with that sugary tone.

Sheldon sighed in frustration. "Noooo again. I have no intentions of doing such a thing. We ended our relationship and the documents have been signed and notarized, there is simply no going back and frankly I do not wish too."

"Well aside from the fact that I am happy that you want to explore that part of you, unfortunately, Sheldon I cannot help." A sigh and a shrug of shoulders was offered to him before she turned on her heels and began to mindlessly pick up the array of empty wine glasses on her coffee table, stealing a moment to finish off the remaining contents of one.

"And why not?" He demanded as he copied her footsteps.

"Because, I am with Leonard!" She laughed at the obvious reason. "I can't be teaching his best friend about sex…it is just….awkward."

"I do not see that as being a valid excuse. Leonard would be happy that I am finally willing to give this idea a chance and I am sure he would have no problem in loaning you out in order to teach me. I did the same when he wanted to learn more about the Flash and I happily allotted him to borrow my Flash comics and character guide book."

Penny stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned to face Sheldon with a grimace cast in her eyes. "You are not comparing me to comic books, are you?" Her voice growled at him.

"Oh…nooooo." He laughed playfully. "There is no comparison. It is like comparing an expensive steak to a cheap hamburger."

Penny smiled. "Sweetie, thanks."

"I don't see what you have to be thankful for…you are the cheap hamburger."

Penny scoffed at his insensitive remark and continued on her quest to clear a path in her living room. Finally she paused and turned towards him. "As much as I would like to help, the answer is still no. Besides whatever you want to know can easily be Googled. That is what every normal person on the planet does." Then again, Sheldon was not every normal person.

It was obvious; he was defeated in his quest. "Fine." He mumbled as his head bowed slightly. For a brief second Penny swore she had seen a wave of embarrassment wash over his usually stoic features; but before any words were able to speak out towards him, Sheldon spoke up.

"Well I have wasted enough time as it is. That will be all Penny. Goodbye."

She barely had enough time to blink before he spun around and calmly yet quickly left her apartment.

"What a strange man." She spoke to no one but herself. Yet still she could not help but to wonder what it would be like trying to teach a man like him about the world of relationships and sex. "Very very difficult!" She proposed again out loud. "I would be pulling my hair out within an hour."

_Or Sheldon could be pulling your hair while you scream in absolute ecstasy…._

That lewd thought seemed to jump from the dark depths of nowhere and into the front of her mind. It made her shiver and squirm at the image it provoked and a race of blood swelled at her cheeks with the shame of even thinking such a thing. Her hand slapped up to cover her mouth the moment she felt her lips begin to pull into a devilish smile. _Bad Penny!_

XxxxxxxxxX

It was strange how the dynamics of their relationship worked. Having avoided each other's company the rest of that Sunday, come Monday the pair resumed their normal routine as though nothing had happened. Neither one spoke to the other about the events that were discussed in Penny's apartment and for the most part the pair acted as though such a thing didn't even happen.

With Leonard still doing his research in the North Sea, Penny had taken over in his place. She was the one who now drove Sheldon to and from work, drove him to appointments and on his shopping expeditions. She was the one who now occupied his time where Leonard once did. He taught her how to play chess, the pair watched various sci-fi shows and movies, and at times he would assist Penny in her studies; unfortunately though that lasted a short time for Penny would become frustrated with his antics and leave.

The last month prior to Leonard's return truly bonded the pair. In the beginning it was merely helping Sheldon do the mundane tasks that Leonard usually did, but now it seemed that Penny and Sheldon truly enjoyed each others' company. It was nothing that neither dwelled upon, but it seemed that throughout the day each seemed to miss the other in some way. Their friendship strengthened and grew to another level and though the pair truly missed Leonard, both felt it was to be a bittersweet reunion, for it was the end of this bonding experience.

As it so happened, their instincts were true. When Leonard surprised Penny on the day of his return, she was elated and for that first week she was on cloud 9; she had missed him horribly and it felt nice to reunite. Yet the happiness quickly dwindled and so easily did their true relationship come to light.

"Who is she?" Penny's finger pressed against the computer's screen upon a face of a woman who seemed to be a constant subject in Leonard's multiple pictures.

"Oh, that is Susan." He said with a smile hidden in his voice as he glanced at the woman from afar. "She is a marine biologist and was tracking Henry." The clang of dishes followed as he cleaned up from their dinner.

"Ohh." Penny mumbled as she studied the woman. "Who is Henry?" She found herself questioning.

Leonard gave a snort-like laugh at the thought and pushed up his spectacles. "Henry is a Humpback whale that Susan and her team have been tracking for the last three years. He is sort of a loner whale and his migration patterns are off compared to other of his kind.

"Mmm, Henry the Humpback, interesting." Yeah she was not interested in such a topic; however Susan was a different subject all together. Her eyes gazed in deep thought at yet another picture of Sheldon and Susan.

"You know Susan only works about ten miles from here. She leads a small team at the California Institute of Marine Studies."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Yeah…" He gave a soft giggle. "She is pretty cool. She can do this awesome trick where she can write in one hand and draw in the other at the same time. She wrote for me 'Leonard you are a Dork-fish.' And then drew a picture of a fish with glasses and a pocket protector." He snickered again at the memory.

Penny gave a faint laugh in return, though in truth she did not find it funny. For the next fifteen minutes as Leonard cleaned up and Penny shuffled through pictures all she heard in the background was of Susan.

"_Susan said this. Susan did that. Susan and I…We….Us….She…."_

And as she gazed upon the mousy appearance of the woman that sixth sense ignited once more within. This was the end of their relationship. Leonard, though most likely will not admit to it if accused, was smitten with this so-called marine biologist. She could hear it in his voice and the few times she glanced over his eyes seemed illuminated in blissful happiness.

Penny knew when time ran out in relationships. Sometimes she was lucky to catch it before getting her heart broken, and other times it snuck up on her when she least expected it. Fortunately, this was one of those times when the realization dawned early. Their relationship was nothing more than a comfortable façade, played out but holding no meaning. They movements, their words…nothing more than mere mockeries of what a couple should be. Yes, she loved him, but she was not in love with him; and by his own actions she could see his heart yearned elsewhere. Unfortunately, Leonard was horrible at ending things and would fight to save their hopeless relationship despite his feelings and logic.

"She texted me today wanting to know if I was free tomorrow for lunch…" He caught his words as Penny's green depths caught his own. "I mean…I figured…we could go together and you two could meet. I bet you would like her a lot, she is pretty cool." His voice shook with a nervous tone afraid of not knowing if Penny was going to display a jealous tone or not.

"I can't." Her voice held no jealously at all to his statement. "I have work tomorrow. But you go ahead and catch up; I'll meet you tomorrow night for dinner."

"You sure?" He questioned with a lift of his brow. "I can re-schedule for another time when you are free…"

"No. No, go ahead without me." Penny's hand flung outwards. "Besides I am sure you two would want to catch up and it will just be odd having me sit there as you two talk about your stories."

"You are the best." As her eyes held onto the computer screen, she watched as Leonard approached from behind and wrapped his arms around her shoulder, then gently bestowed a kiss upon her cheek.

She leaned in to receive it, but she felt no spark of emotion to it's' touch. A soft smile lifted her lips, but it was only a smile of a cleared mind knowing what had to be done.

Being the actress that she was, she rehearsed her part until she knew exactly how she was going to approach Leonard, the words she was going to speak and even some of the movements that she would perform. That following night, when Leonard came prancing into her apartment with a wide smile upon his face, Penny sat calmly upon her couch. Gently her hand padded to the empty spot next to her.

"Leonard, we need to talk."

XxxxxxxxxxxX

4 ½ weeks later….

From the brim of her wine glass Penny viewed the scene. Howard upon one end of the couch with Bernie sitting down upon the floor with her arm lazily draped over his knee. Raj and Amy snuggled in side by side with their fingers weaved together. Then Leonard, who sat in the arm chair with Susan awkwardly positioned upon his lap. A gathering of the happy, loving couples…it made Penny absolutely sick.

It seemed Leonard wasted no time in pursuing Susan, and Penny, in truth, didn't seem to mind. The day she broke up with him, he seemed rather relieved then sad, however the pair ended things on a good note and for that Penny was at peace. Still the sight of everyone being sweet and cuddly was not something she cared to be forced to witness.

Strangely, though, she did not feel any heartache or resentment from the break-up. And when Leonard began dating Susan, Penny did not feel an ounce of jealously towards the pair. As a matter of fact, she thought they were rather cute together. Well in an odd sort of way. Susan was around Sheldon's same height, had an unruly mass of frizzled brown curls upon her head and wore thick framed glasses that made her brown eyes almost bug-like. And when she laughed it always sounded as though she was holding back a sneeze. She was corky and odd, and in Penny's eyes, a perfect companion to Leonard, who was also corky and odd.

"She is like a carbon-copy of Leonard except with a vagina!" Was Bernie's description of the newest member of their group. Indeed, Susan, was similar to Leonard in both looks and personality, but Penny thought it made them unique

"Love stinks." She mumbled as she swigged her wine and rested her elbow upon the countertop.

"Excuse me, did you say something?"

Sheldon seemed to have popped in from thin air and Penny gave a little jolt at his voice. Her reaction only made him lift his brow in questioning as he opened the fridge.

"Just talking to myself."

"Ahhh…well…hopefully that conversation goes smoothly."

It had been their weekly get-together, though it seemed what usually was a gathering of friends suddenly turned into a gathering of couples with Penny and Sheldon on the outs. For two and half hours they had to endure the pet names, the stolen kisses, the tight snuggles and the shared stories; such a performance made Penny down almost an entire bottle of wine and Sheldon to stow away into the confinements of his bedroom.

"What made you come back out? Did you miss watching Raj and Amy suck face; or Sheldon and Susan rubbing their noses together for the millionth time or Howard and Bernie's baby talk to each other?"

"No. I was thirsty." Was his simple reply to her venomous tone towards their friends. Pulling out a water, he stole a moment to look on at the picture before him. He too thought the night was nothing but one carnal circus; and when it seemed the group ( aside from Penny) wanted to chit-chat about stupid, frivolous things instead of watching the selected movie, Sheldon decided to retire to his room where he could enjoy his own peaceful, intelligent company.

"Listen guys we are going to head out." Howard rose stretching out his arm to escort Bernadette from the floor. "I have to be in work an hour early, catch you all tomorrow night." His eyes focused in on the other two couples when adding that last part.

"Oh? What is going on tomorrow night?" Sheldon's curious voice chimed in as he stepped from the kitchen area and into the circle.

"Ummm…" Howard's eyes looked towards the others before settling back upon Sheldon's.

"We were going to go to dinner." He whispered, hanging his head slightly in shame.

"Oh splendid!" Sheldon smiled. "Though must I remind you all that tomorrow night is our bi-monthly Magic the Gathering meeting?" He added a little snicker. "However, seeing as how you have destroyed our movie night, I suppose throwing in dinner tomorrow prior to the game will make up for tonight's loss."

"Um, Sheldon…"Leonard interjected as he helped Susan rise from his lap. "It is just going to be a couple's date. A triple date or sorts."

Sheldon casted Leonard a glare. "Oh?" He looked over at Raj and Amy then at Howard and Bernie. "I am assuming that since I am no longer in a relationship that I am not invited?"

"Well…yeah." Leonard learned that with dealing with Sheldon one must be direct then beat around the bush. Like pulling a band-aid off in one swipe then taking one's time. "It isn't that we don't want you to come, it is just we don't want you to come." He teased. "Listen, it is just a date night, no biggie. You will get the apartment to yourself, which is a plus." As though that little offer was suppose to make things all better.

"Tomorrow is Magic night." Sheldon reminded.

"And we can easily shift it to another night." Pulling his attention away from his friend, Leonard smiled gently at Susan. "Grab your coat, I'll drive you home."

"But…..but…."Sheldon tried to interject but his words were washed away with the many voices of goodbyes overpowering him. "But…."

"Sheldon, we will do it another night. I'll talk with you tomorrow." Leonard spoke as he shuffled Susan and himself out the door with the rest of the gang, giving Sheldon no room to add in anymore to the conversation. "Night!" He quickly waved to Sheldon and to Penny before shutting the door.

"The nerve!" Sheldon exclaimed as he gazed upon the now closed door.

"Eh. What do you expect? Get use to it, sweetie, we are lone wolves now m'dear, forced to walk alone." Penny chuckled as she shuffled down from the kitchen and closer to the dumbfounded man.

"Just because everyone's hormones are in a frizzy doesn't mean they have to go and frazzle up our schedules!"

"YEAH!" Penny crossed her arms and nodded her head. "You tell them!" She teased and when Sheldon looked at her with a frown she simply winked back.

"Speaking of hormones…" Penny's hand now shifted to her hips. "Do you remember when you asked me for assistance in your relationship issues?"

"Of course I do!" He said with a tone that held offense to the fact that Penny thought he might have forgotten.

She chuckled. "Of course you remember….stupid of me to ask such a question."

"You are only now figuring that out?" He hissed as he turned on his heels to head back towards the kitchen area.

"Funny." She growled, following behind him. "Well…ya'know I was thinking. If the offer still stands, I'm willing to help."

Sheldon stopped for a moment and turned towards her. "You told me you couldn't."

"I know, but I was with Leonard at the time and I felt that it wasn't appropriate to do. Now that we are broken up…"

"And because now that you broke things off with him, and he is now having carnal relations with Susan, it is now okay for you to help me?"

"Well…yeah."

Sheldon was not having any of this. His arms crossed and he eyed up the woman before him with caution. "Why?"

"Because you are my best friend and it seems that we are left to our own devices now that everyone in our group has shacked up. Besides perhaps I over-reacted, it is just that…well…that was like the last thing I EVER expected to hear from you and it shocked me. But I understand where you are coming from and I would like to help."

"Not buying it." Oh he was not one to be tricked by her whimsical womanly ways.

"Fine. Fine." She grumbled. "I do want to help you, but I was hoping that maybe you can help me out as well."

"With what?" He was on guard, ready to strike out with a defense against any ridiculous request she might ask of him.

"I got a paying acting job. It is at a children's museum, nothing major…but it pays. Apparently it is national historical science week or something so the Children's Historic Museum is orchestrating a special program for that week. Anyway, I landed the role of Mary Curkie and was hoping you could help me understand her more.

"Who?" A thin brow raised at the name Penny gave. "I have no knowledge of anyone by that name."

"Oh come on yes you do!" Penny huffed. "You are a science geek, apparently all science geeks heard of her. She invented kryptonite or some type of glow-in-the-dark rock." She fumbled through her thoughts quickly to provide information. "Umm….radioactivity…she was like the first to discover it." She was baffled for a moment that Sheldon seemed to have no idea who Mary Curkie was.

"Oh Jesus, you are talking about Marie Curie, one of the most profound female scientist of the twentieth century. Her discovery of the properties of radioactivity and her supreme knowledge of chemistry and physics made her the first female ever to receive the Nobel Prize in science!" He was simply appalled at how Penny completely destroyed that woman's legacy in a few sentences.

"Oh my God! Yes! Her! That one!" She squealed with delight at the name and reference and gleefully gave a little bounce to her step. "So…would you help me with learning the lines and getting some background info on her? The director wants us to become that character and to understand them to the fullest. That and most likely I'll have a shitload of kids asking questions that I'll need to answer on the spot."

"For the sake of preventing the likes of you destroying that woman's work and tarnishing the delicate minds of the youth, I will help you. However that means you must help me as well."

"DEAL!" Her voice sang happily as her hand darted straight out to shake his.

Sheldon simply gazed down at her extended hand but offered nothing in return.

Giving up on the shake, Penny cleared her throat. "So what do you want to know?" She figured she can get this done and over within the matter of an hour. He knew the basics, she just needed to add in some fillers of advice and answer some questions…at least that was what she assumed.

"What do you mean?" He questioned as he unscrewed the cap to his water

"About relationships…"

Sheldon expired a sigh. "You cannot possibly begin. Where is the syllabus?..."

"What's a sinabus?" Her face contorted at the confusing word as she interrupted his train of thought.

For a moment he simply stared at her, and then calmly clasped his hands together. "I understand that you go to a community college…" The image he had in mind was one step above a low-security prison when it came to what a community college might resemble. "And assuming that the teachers there are accredited educators, with each starts of a semester your professors should have provided you with a list of requirements for completing the course. This usually entails a brief outline of the subject, required reading materials, dates in which assignments need completion and grading systems. Does this ring a bell?"

Penny thought for a moment. "Ummmm…maybe." She shrugged. "I am sure I got something from my teachers, but I basically just stashed all my paperwork by my desk."

"You have a desk?" Sheldon questioned as he tried to mentally scan the contents of her apartment. A desk, he did not ever remember seeing.

"Uh, yeah. It is in the corner of my living room. I mean I haven't assembled it yet or anything, but I put a box of papers on top of that box and I am pretty sure my sinabuses are in there."

"The word is syllabus …." He sighed in frustration. "Anyway my point is that we cannot begin our studies without having a guideline to follow. We must discuss when we shall meet, where we shall meet and individually we must plan out the other's course of study."

Penny rolled her eyes at him. Something so simple always had to be stretch out into something ten times more complicated whenever Sheldon was involved. "Or we can have fun with it and simply fly by the seat of our pants." She grinned.

"I am serious, Penny. In order for us to obtain full knowledge we must be prepared. Now I previously wrote out a schedule based on our work and recreational schedules…" 

"Wait you already had this planned out?"

"I assumed you would have agreed the first time I asked, but since you turned me down I ended up filing the paperwork in case you changed your mind." Over to his desk he went to pull out a stack of papers, shuffling through them he pulled out one and handed to her. It was indeed a schedule of schedules and highlighted hours and days. "Those are the times available to us as long as your work schedule hasn't change. However I do suppose we now have to facture in you new line of work."

Since having started school she was fortunate to have something of a steady schedule at work. She looked over the paper and nodded. "Listen I get out of school early on Thursdays, usually don't have work and there are no rehearsals on that day. " She handed the paper back to him. "Does Thursdays sound good?"

"That is tomorrow."

"That is correct!" Her voice sang.

"Well…I suppose. And what about organizing our lesson plans?"

Penny lifted up a finger and wiggled it in front of him. "First rule to this agreement, the teacher makes the rules and the student must follow. You will follow my lead when it comes to learning about the thrills of relations with the opposite sex and I will follow yours when it comes to learning about Mary Curkie and her glowing rocks. Okay?"

"Marie Curie!" He growled at her. "Very well." He supposed that was fair despite that it made him give up partial control of the situation. "Then tomorrow….around seven, your place…I would like to keep this matter as private as possible. Agree?"

Penny offered a gentle smile. "Fine. Tomorrow, seven, my place." Picking up her sweater she began to make her way towards the door, only stopping as she swung it open to look back at Sheldon. "Sheldon…."

"Yes, Penny." He offered a mundane response.

"I'll bring the wine…you just bring your sexy self." She ended her tease with making a provocative expression with her tongue and a wink of her eye, enough to leave the man as red as a boiled lobster and dumbstruck.

"_Oh this is going to certainly be fun."_ She thought as she made her way back to her own apartment to begin re-searching her new position as a sex-ed teacher.


End file.
